I have been asked several times lately where is my blog. Mavis has a well established blog  about her condition. But I have steered away from blogging publicly as I had no intentention of impinging on her readership. I keep  a diary  and have done so for many years. But like most people’s diary they are personal.

But  once again today Rod our friend in Australia asked where is my blog?. He said I should have one to show the other side of the coin.  A view from a carers point of view. Mavis has made her blog a very informative and factual  page touched with humour. My  blog may not be so  light-hearted.

So if this writing may help some others who have been touched by this insidious killer then I will begin.

I remember the first time the words mesothelioma hit me.  At Mavis`s bedside the oncologist said to her. We have the results of the bi opsy from the culture we took some weeks ago. There are only 2 things that will produce your condition. One is an infection in the lung. The other is mesothelioma.  We have ruled out a lung infection. You have mesothelioma.  So what is that we asked, as it was a mouthful to say and we had never heard of it.

HE SAID QUITE CANDIDLY YOU HAVE TERMINAL LUNG CANCER.  CAUSED BY CONTACT WITH ASBESTOS.

I said terminal!  Is there no  cure.  Nothing he said there is no cure.

Oh god I said how long are we looking at.  He said 3 months.

My world collapsed my brain was numb it was impossible to take this in.  In 3 montsh my world would be destroyed 55 years of  love, friendship, companionship of  never being apart will end.  How must Mavis feel laying there listening to this news this earth shattering news. From that day just 2 years ago changed both our lives forever.

With umpteen hospital visits , chemo, radiation, operations, biop, consultations endless results lots of doom and gloom ,all taking up  our precious moments we live day today.  Some days we have good days some not so good. I dread each hospital visit because they usualy end with bad news.” The tumor has grown, the tumor has grown a bit more ” now today we find we have more than one tumor and it has grown considerably. This is the stage I am at. My heart hangs heavy with dread. I am afraid. I have this permanent ache in my  heart. its a living nightmare from which I cant  wake up.

But I will try to do this blog on a regular basis. I will try and be open and honest, I cannot promise humour or that it will be as good as maves but it will be me unveiled.